Opera Plots in One Sentence

Opera is when... 'a tenor and soprano want to make love, but are prevented from doing so by a baritone.'

Opera is ridiculous. Opera singers are ridiculous. Opera-goers are ridiculous. Opera plots are... fabulous. How many do you recognise?

He loves her but she dies.
He loves her but she dies but he saves her.
They love each other and they both die.
She loves him, but he doesn't love her until she's already married to someone else.
He loves her and he doesn't die.
She loves him, but everyone dies; Act II makes no sense whatsoever.
She loves all of them, for hundreds of years, but they all keep dying anyhow.
A load of nuns get the chop.
Nothing happens.
Gypsy mother seeks revenge.
Angry dwarf steals ring, end of world ensues.
Ghostly sea-captain's fiancee drowns herself.

Promising Soldier Succumbs to Gambling Addiction, Visions of 3 Cards.
Serial Seducer Dies from Handshake.
Robbers Fail to Murder Chinese Rasputin.
Prominent serial killer kills promenading serial lover.
US Marine disappoints foreign mother.
Fake scandal at audition!
Siberian pensioners die in tragic heating accident.
Protege of mad Freemasonry sect marries abducted Princess.
The Women Who Mistook Their Own Husbands for Albanians Ho-Ho-I-Don't-Think.
Count fails to seduce housemaid despite four long hours of open chances.
Toyboy marries bimbo, elder woman distraught.
Ukrainian greybeard seeks underage sex and power, but gets neither.

Next time I am going to use Google Maps, you silly old twit!
Roue aristo goes free while jester gets the sack.
Fairy Tale Turns into Masonic Propaganda.
or
Masonic Propaganda masquerades as Fairy Tale?
Scouse Bird.
American invents A-bomb, gets upset.
American gets five o’clock shadow, meets Chinaman.
Nose forges ID: arrested!
Suicidal jumps from castle - lands 100 meters away!
Porco di Bacco! Italian steals Paul Pott's song!
Woman in Drag Infiltrates Prison, Rescues Stoner Husband.
Heroine kills chickens, has kids, gets shot.

Dwarf steals gold, stuff happens, world ends.
He loves her, but he dies, taking an entire act to do so.
She seduces him, brother gets mad.
Corsican makes inadvisable trip to Moscow .
Cigarette-factory employee in domestic violence incident.
Geezer from the pub goes to the moon.
Bloke receives Get-Out-Of-Jail-Free card.
He woos all of them, for years and years, and sees to it that none of them ever leave.
Leading man marshalls an army to victory, then grants clemency to the vanquished, who proceed to plot against the winners, in spite of being shown mercy... both main characters are on the wrong end of that plot development, and Leading man is joined by Female lead, who both perish in visually dramatic concluding death scene.

Striptease in the Middle East: dictator real sick about the affair.
Trainee trouble ends in storm tide!
Sharp-shooter loses mojo, asks Satan for help.
Old geezer lost his mojo years ago, trades-in soul with Satan for help.
She can't keep from being curious, so she has to die like all the others.
Pharoah devises new religion, disappears mysteriously.
Man Falls in Love with Doll, Others.
Nose evades capture, Police dumbfounded.
Pederast Kills Apprentice, Cries Discrimination.
Man Turns into Swan: News at 11.
Teenager Kills Herself Over Dead Sailor.
Sorceress Kidnaps Boytoy, Angers Army.

Guess Who's the Vampire? The Baritone, of Course!
Love Couple Escapes, Baritone Gets the Axe.
I dont know what happens in this opera because I can never get past the first act - zzzz...
Man Mopes About Dead Wife for Three Acts.
Crazy Woman Gets Lost in Forest.
Man Kills Wife: What a Moron.
Man kills King and best friend - what a moron.
Old twit's seduction attempts end in fiasco.
Old twit's seduction attempts end in barrel.
Captain Makes Wrong Decision, Everyone Loses.
Legal scandal? Priest purports mental disorder, cardinal recommends auto-da-fé. Cardinal wins.

Couple goes to hell. Greenberg: Trust me, that business has future.
Slapstick armageddon in Breughel-land.
Sinner Redeemed by Man's Unflagging Love.
Mother remonstrates with child, child throws tantrum, then hallucinates about things in his room coming to life.
Too much Moscafratta: man dies drunken in duel after making the Tyson.
Teenage criminals broil wacky elder lady - mitigating circumstances?
Woman with Stockholm syndrome moves into one room apartment due to Suez Canal opening.
Con escapes. Femmes eyes go from brown to green, kills cop to keep from sleeping with him. Uh oh, artist really dead. Hi God.